imabitch

last night i dreamt the both
of us talking just like the
good OLD days. oh well.

anyways!
i just came back from
the real shaolin kungfu show
at the singapore expo earlier
with my family. it was all good!
mr and mrs nathan was there
with their grandchildren. so you
can imagine the number of police
standing and guarding the place.
hahah! and oohhh. mr nathan's
grandson is cute! haha.

alright anyways!
i have been constantly
trying to run away from
mstjl whenever i see her
in school, cos i dont want
to go for counselling or
what-so-ever.

however, she kinda told mr
tang to excuse me from
tomorrows PC lesson just
to have counselling with her.
OMG!

i dont even know what i should
say or rather what i should tell
her. but i'm certain that she already
knows some of the things that have
been troubling me.

but whatever it is, i hope
she wouldnt make things
worse for me.

sometimes i wonder.
is it wrong trying to
claim the friendship
i lost with someone
all back?

i just wanna be friends.
not anything more,
not anything less.
is that possible?

so many things affecting me.
day after day, i'm bottling it up
inside of me. sometimes i start
questioning myself; how long is
this gonna carry on for? how
much longer can i hold?

one day i'm definitely gonna break
down badly, real bad in fact.

deep down inside, i am weak and i know
for a fact that i do need help. yet on the outside,
i appear to be strong, to be able to settle the problems
by myself, without the help of any others.

SHAKEIT wanted me to go for
counselling and i rejected her
offer. instead, more and more
problems start arising, one after
another. i'm really so tired, and
i can barely hold on tight any longer.
i'm seriously on the verge of giving
everything up, and if i can...
myself as well.

i just dont see the point anymore.

posted by stacey @ Thursday, April 28, 2005 0 Comments

stacey is taking SOOOOO long to type her post la. so im invading. cos im suffering from over-boredom. its tiring yknow.. being bored. hahaha okay i'll shut up. =-sarbs


the exams started today.
was quite alright i guess
just that, i'm afraid that
i might have interpreted
the question wrongly.

whatever it is, the paper's
already over, and now, all i
have to do is get ready for
all the other upcoming papers!


anyways!

sometimes i just wonder why.
one moment you can be really
close to this person, and all of
a sudden she's like this total
stranger to you.

i dont know how, but mrs siau
knows about everything that
has been happening, and i'm glad
that she's ALWAYS there.

she told me, that we can't possibly
continue ignoring each other forever.
she also said sometimes, its better
to forgive and to forget rather
than watch one friendship
we had built together, all go
down to waste.

but the problem is...
i have long forgotten about this.
what about you?

i'm trying so hard to push myself
to talk to you, to at least say a hi
or a bye? but i'm scared you'll
ignore me.

i know i'm NOT supposed to be
thinking about all of these, esp
since my exams are here now.
i know. i know that everyone,
esp SHAKEIT dont like me
thinking too much about it too
cos you'll dont want it to affect
my exams. BUT how in the world
am i supposed to forget?


i miss sitting next to you
during mid year exams last year.

i miss the sec three interclass netball.

i miss the sec three interclass rugby.

i miss those memories.

i miss EVERYTHING.

esp. playing DOTT TO DOTT.


ARE YOU EVER GONNA TALK
TO ME AGAINNN?!

can't we just slam the door
and start a brand new song?

is this how its gonna be?
just ignoring and pretending tt
we DO NOT know each other?

I MISS THOSE DAYS.
sorry.

posted by stacey @ Wednesday, April 27, 2005 0 Comments

the netballers are out right now
celebrating at marche all. coach's
treating them cos THEY WON!

YES! TODAYS NETBALL FINALS
TOTALLY ROCKED! :D

NAT NAT LONG!
you were TOTALLY awesome la
please although i know you were
kinda pissed at the beginning
cos the stupid GK was SUPER
freakin tall.

i was like totally SCREAMING
MY LUNGS out for you la NAT!
cos i remembered what you told
me on the phone last night.
although she was SO TALL ALL,
you managed to get the ball,
make her fall all. POWER LA YOU!
I'M PROUD OF YOU PLEASE! HA.

AND

FURRY! FURRRRRRY!
you were all good too esp the part
where you guarded the shooter.
SUPER COOL LA PLEASE. hahah.

I'M PROUD OF ALL OF YAWL!

anyways.
I HAVE AN URGE TO TAKE
UP BOWLING BUT DONT KNOW
IF I SHOULD. during the
weekends, i was like browsing
through ALL of dad's trophies,
and i suddenly had this urge to
take bowling up. haha. but i dont
know if dad will have the time to
coach me cos he's already so busy
with his work as well as his bowling
schedule. and besides, mom wouldnt
like it if she learns about this. cos
she doesnt like dad spending so much
time on bowling and all that nonsense
la. BUT hopefully dad agrees. anyways
i just feel like taking it up for fun.
not cos of anyone or anything in
particular, so please DO NOT get
the wrong idea!

anyways.
21ST APRIL.
HAPPY SWEET 16 RAPHAEL!
its been exactly two years.
how fast time flies yeh.
miss those days. haha.
anyways i hope you had
a good day! :D


i have a latest OBSESSION!
and only SHAKEIT knows about it
-FAINTS

LOL ;D
she was like TOTALLY SHOCKED.
i think she STILL IS, cos i
kinda told her online, NOT
LONG AGO. HAHAHAH! SHHHHH..
SHAKEIT! HAHA. MWAHHHH*

BUT STILL.
MY INSPIRATION!
AH WHATEVER. I'M CONFUSED!


anyways!
THE EXAMS ARE NEXT WEEK!
GOOODDDNNEEESSSSS MEEEE!
i'm determined to do REALLY WELL
and SHAKEIT, PARTNER as well as
PINKY knows why! WHEEEEE xD
I'M ALL EXCITED PLEASE!

JUST CANT WAIT FOR THE
MIDYEARS TO BE DONE AND OVER
WITH PLEASEEEE! :D

for now.
STUDY HARD YAWL.

posted by stacey @ Thursday, April 21, 2005 0 Comments

FUCKING PISSED OFF NOW.

CALLI TOOO! ITS MOST PROBABLY YOU! WHO ELSE CAN IT BE?!? BITCH BITCH BITCH.. IS THAT ALL YOU KNOW HOW TO DO? BITCH! BITCH ABOUT MEL TO MAVIS, MAVIS TO MEL. BEANIE TO ME, ME TO BEANIE. SARAH TO CONNIE, CONNIE TO SARAH. OMG LIKE SERIOUSLY! CARRY ON ALL THIS SHIT. AND SEE HOW MANY MORE FRIENDS YOU'RE GONNA LOOSE! SEE.. WHETHER ANYONE'S GONNA EVER BELIEVE YOU! I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST LEARN TO SHUT UP SOMETIMES, KEEP YOUR COMMENTS ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE TO YOURSELF, AND REALLY JUST SERIOUSLY SHUT UP! COS AT THE END OF THE DAY, EVERYONES JUST GONNA HATE YOU! AND WHEN THAT TIME COMES, I'LL STAND THERE WATCHING EVERYONE HATE YOU, IN ROLLS OF LAUGHTER COS YOU FUCKING DESERVE IT! YOU DO NOT RULE THIS WORLD MAN, FUCKING GROW UP! AND STOP ALL YOUR FAKE SHIT, COS ITS SIMPLY GETTING OLD. TRY HARDER BITCH.

posted by stacey @ Wednesday, April 20, 2005 0 Comments

LAST NIGHT WAS AWESOME! :D
we all got to meet NATT!
YES NAT! cos basically
she's back from australia.

after CL.
headed home with claire.
RESE came later, and the
both of us were supposedly
supposed to stay over claire's
place for the night. BUT we
waited til claire's parents
were asleep before we slowly
sneaked out to meet zoe in a
cab before leaving for jalan
kayu to meet NAT and all.


all of us were there.
me, dawn, zoe, jen, rese, val, claire and NAT! :D

kenneth, joshua, cheryl,
nicole, andy and jeannine
came later on. and jaz,
couldnt get out of the
house.

took truckloads of pictures,
and then cabbed down to hougang
greeen estates to play block
catching all.

claire and i left around four plus.
cabbed back to her place. slept
for a while before i went home.


NAT!
i'm so glad i got to see you last night. I'M MISSING YOU ALREADY! :D i hope i'll get to see you again sometime soon! MWAAAHHH!

posted by stacey @ Saturday, April 16, 2005 0 Comments

i've learnt so MUCH
through ALL that has
happened so far.

my journey hasn't been
an easy one ever since
the beginning of this year.
so many rough patches,
and obstacles i had to
face along the way.

i admit, at certain parts
of the journey, i really
TOTALLY felt like giving up.
but i'm glad there were
railings i was holding onto,
that prevented me from
doing so. they were not
only there for me while
falling, but also there
to encourage as well as
to cheer me up.

nothing means more to be than
to be able to be by their sides,
staying with them till their smiles
return. that, itself, never fails
to make me happy.

ilovethem ALL.
PINKY!, SHAKEIT!, SHEILA, PARTNER!, SISTA!, CLAIRECHUA!:]PRESTY!, SARAH!, BEANIE!, MEL! CHERYL!, JAMIE! ETC.

i realised that this journey
has not only made me a much
stronger person, but a braver
one in fact.

although the journey's JUST
begun, and it hasnt ended yet.
i'm more than grateful to have
ALL OF THEM with me already!

its not gonna be an easy one.
but still, i've gotta keep
reminding myself that i cannot
be brave if i only have had
wonderful things happening to me.

its not easy.
even after all the obstacles
i've faced. its gonna take
TIME to heal, but still its
NEVER GONNA BE THE SAME AGAIN.

IT'S NEVER GONNA BE THE SAME AGAIN :(

for eg.
drive a nail into the wall
and the hole will always remain
it doesnt matter how hard you try to
patch it how many coats of paint you
layer on because beneath it all,
it will still ALWAYS remain.

BUT! why let one small obstacle
tarnish the entire journey?


perhaps i need time.
its not gonna be easy.
i'll have to start this friendship
right from the START all over again.
IT CANNOT BE RUSHED.

i'll take things a step at
a time, but no matter how
much of time this is gonna
take, i am willing to try.

i dont want to loose this
friendship no more.

esp to SHAKEIT, PINKY AND PARTNER! THANKS for all your support you have given to me! MWAHHHHHHH*

posted by stacey @ Thursday, April 14, 2005 0 Comments

i miss my bestfriends.
my PINKY!, my SHAKEIT!, my PARTNER!, my SISTA!, especially MY PRESTY and those who i have left out.

okay. i know i'm NOT
supposed to be online.
but i had to do
attend to some
pics and stuff.

nothing much happened just that,
mr tang changed my seat AGAIN.
I'M SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT NOW!

he had a good talk with the
class during CME which i
thought was rather useful.
it made me think ALOT.
he said, if i keep looking back
at my past regrets and stuff,
i'll NEVER be moving forward
but backwards instead.
but if i have been looking forward,
that means i have been changing
for the better.

it made me wonder.
and i realised all this while
i've been looking back and
NEVER forward. OH WELL.

ms lim is still pissed with
the class and refuses to talk.
just writes all the instructions
on the board.

the art department is choosing
a few girls to go japan for
some trip thingy. signed up
for it, and had to go for some
interview. its gonna be an eleven
days stay. dunno if i should go.
BUT I ALREADY GAVE THE FORM.
_____________________________________________

anyways! to you.
give me a break will you?
i'm so bloody irritated with you, like seriously!
maybe you should reflect and ask yourself
what you have done that made me this irritated
til the very point that i feel like slapping
your face whenever i see it. and btw, i'm
NOT the only one who feels this way.

I HATE THE WAY YOU JUST LOVE TO INTERFERE IN EVERY SINGLE THING! ARGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!
JUST PISSES ME OFFF REALLLL BADDDD!

i dont recall asking you for any help did i?
NO I DIDNT! THEN WHY? urgh. have you thought of the consequences? what if it made things worse? already things was so complex, you just had to rub it in. OMG! I SERIOUSLY WAS DAMN PISSED WHEN YOU TOLD ME WHAT YOU HAD DID. SERIOUSLY! I DIDNT NEED YOUR HELP! I WANTED TO SETTLE THE PROBLEM BY MYSELF!

SO STOP GOING AROUND TELLING EVERYONE THAT I'M PISSED WITH YOU, WHEN YOU HELPED ME AND STUFF LIKE THAT! COS YOU KNOW WHAT! I CAN'T BE BOTHERED! YOU'RE SO HYPOCRITICAL! I GUESS THATS THE ONLY RIGHT WORD I CAN USE RIGHT NOW! MY GOSH! I HEARD OF YOUR PAST. WHAT YOU DID TO CONNIE AND SARAH? BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE NO LONGER LIKE THAT. I THOUGHT YOU HAD CHANGED FOR THE BETTER.

shakeit told me to beware of you, but i
told her you were not that bad as she thought
you were, BUT I WAS WRONG. i hate the way
you just complain to me about everything,
about PEOPLE AND ALL! OMG AND WHAT!
I'M LIKE SUPPOSED TO DO SMTH!

I ESPECIALLY HATED IT WHEN YOU KEPT STICKING WITH ME LIKE AS IF YOU HAD NO OTHER FRIENDS, WHEREVER I GO YOU WILL GO. I MUST HAVE RECESS WITH YOU, OR ELSE YOU'LL ROLL YOUR EYES AND GET ANGRY WITH ME! LIKE GO TO HELL! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? I HAVE MY OWN FRIENDS TOO LIKE SHAKEIT, PARTNER, PINKY AND ALL!

SO YOU CAN GO CONTINUE COMPLAINING
TO EVERYONE ABOUT IT! I DONT CARE!

you can continue BACKSTABBING people
like what you did in the past and see
whos gonna regard you as their friend!
COS YOU SIMPLY DONT DESERVE ANY FRIENDS!
_______________________________________________________

argh. no use letting you get me all pissed
please. i rather just focus on my upcoming exams!
and to NATLONG;
ITS JUST A FEW MORE HOURS TO YOU BDAY!
ARE YOU EXCITED? HAHAHA!

posted by stacey @ Monday, April 11, 2005 0 Comments

BAD DAY in school.
kinda brought it along
to church and of course,
it got worst!

now my eyes, they're
not only tired, but
super duper tiny as well.

anyways!
I'M SORRY!
i can no longer be the
old cheerful stacey you'll
saw last year.

and to mrs chow;
THANKS FOR ANNOUCING TO THE WHOLE
CLASS THAT I AM DEPRESSED! ARGGGHHH.
in the future, you dont have to do
that. i give you a better suggestion!
take a mike, go in front of the school
and announce it out loud for the whole
school to know that oh! stacey is
very depressed! OMG! IRRITANT! ARGH.

i'm really tired.
it hurts so badly and til
now, i'm still unable to
accept it. i can't!
I TOTALLY GIVE UP.
oh well.


anyways!
mondays first visit to alexandra
hospital was alright, just that
half the time i was worrying!
did xray all. was so scared
the xray might show smth
unexpected, but it didnt!
phew. doctor explained to
both my dad and i what
exactly had happen to my knee.
and now! I HAVE TO GO FOR PHYSIO!
SUCH A WASTE OF TIME PLEASE! :|
BLEAHHH!

a word of advice before i leave;
if you ever get depressed,
play the guitar! its good :]

I MISS SHAKEIT, PINKY AND PARTNER!

posted by stacey @ Saturday, April 09, 2005 0 Comments

will be in school tmr
for an hours or so only.

went to see the doctors
on friday regarding my
knee again.

and this time, i've been
referred to alexander hospital
to see a specialist tmr at 9am

besides that! i'm excused from
PFT this coming thurs as well as
trainings/PE and stuff for another
month! OMG! OH WELL!

anyways! the exams are coming!
doubt i'll be online anymore
only until mid years are over.
the days are passing so quickly.
its hell crazy i tell you!
i have to study! have to! :|

and so.. the POPE has passed away.
have been watching the news these
two days regarding pope and stuff.
its so heartwarming just watching
millions of people all over the
world praying for him.

actually proves how much he has
touched the lives of so many
people around when he was alive.

then it made me think for a moment.
when i die, i want the people
to remember me for the good that
i've done and not for the bad too!
_________________________________________________

anyways!
jingjing! you're an idiot know!
WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO
MY MOUSE! it's spoilt! :|

yellow house cheerleaders!
good luck for the cheerleading
competition tomorrow! :D

last but not least; DOTT.
good luck for the competition! and dont
forget to take good care of yourself too.


alright!
and so i'm off!
STUDY HARD EVERYONE!

posted by stacey @ Sunday, April 03, 2005 0 Comments